————-

The Fear permeates the city with a dense fog in the mornings. As the day lingers, the fog dissipates, but the Fear just stretches out over the people, engulfing us all in its decadence.

We stroll the streets, looking for some kind of trouble to get into. But nothing comes. Sometimes it’s like that. No matter what you do, or where you are, you can’t get anything done. Creativity fades and seeps through the cracks in the sidewalk and you are left with nothing but some sunburn.

Courting the muse is a long forgotten path. These days people don’t wait for inspiration, or even try to draw in inspiration. They just do. And so we end up with a bunch of crap that is passed for “art” or “poetry” or “fiction” or any number of other things. But when you see it, it just fucking bores you to tears.

Court your muse. Find your inspiration. Then bang out that piece of crap you’ll never be proud of. Life keeps on moving down the line. The train will not remember you, and it does not forgive. Walk out on the tracks and stare at the ground. See those are steel rails? Is this what we’ve become?

And so here I am, waxing melancholic, for no reason other than I know not what to write.

Jack
I Listen.

Fragment #7
May 06, 2008

I explained to Ryan what I was looking for, and what he sent me was so personal and informative, that I asked if I could publish the entire email. So, here is what Ryan Sutter has to say about Humanism, and how he found it. Enjoy.

I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and stayed one until I was 30 years old at which point I lost my faith in it and didn’t know what to call myself or what I believed. I took the Beliefnet Belief-O-Matic and found out that my beliefs were most closely defined as humanist. Not having really ever thought about humanism before this, I was a bit surprised to find a web site telling me that I was one.

I went on to study it a little and found that the whole idea of humanism was fairly straightforward and could be boiled down into the statement: Do what is right because it’s right and there may be nobody else to do it. In other words, we live in a world that may or not have any supernatural element, but that really should have no bearing on being a good and moral person. Goodness and morality are things you need to practice if you want them to exist in the world, they don’t come from somewhere other than us and if we don’t do them, they don’t exist. This is a compelling alternate reason for living a clean moral life as opposed to the reward/punishment model of Christianity.

You don’t do good and avoid evil in order to reap a reward or avoid a punishment, you do so simply because you wish for good in the world and you wish to avoid evil in the world and you let the supernatural aspect take care of itself, if there is such a thing.

That is humanism and it is my deep belief that even the religious person who hates or fears the “godless atheists and secular humanists” basically lives a moral life for the same fundamental reasons, if you press them on it. Most Christians will admit that they aren’t restrained from killing their neighbor and raping his life because they are afraid of God but because they know it’s the wrong thing to do. They know this innately, because they wouldn’t want it done to themselves. “Do unto others” is a very humanist statement.

Of course, in conversations with religious believers (including my own father) I’ve come to realize that this is not what humanism means to fundamentalist eyes. To a lot of people it seems that humanism means “whatever man decides to do is right” or “there is no god so we’re screwed, ACK! let’s call our pathetic plight ‘humanism’ and worship ourselves”. The first commits the naturalistic fallacy and the second conflates humanism and atheism. Humanism does not glorify people or set them up for worship. The whole concept of worship means to give praise and obedience to a higher power. When you are a human, and a humanist, you are not suddenly a higher power. In fact, it’s humbling. You look at yourself and your limited capabilities and you look at humankind and their messy psychological and sociological situations and you realize that we all need to work really hard to solve our problems, cooperate more, communicate more, help each other more, because if we are all we have then none of us is an island, none of us can operate without considering the fates of the others, and we all need each other. Kinda’ knocked me down a peg from when I thought I was personally fashioned in God’s image, while simultaneously making me feel a sense of civic and moral obligation as opposed to how I felt when I thought God would charge in and fix everything. The sense of personal responsibility implicit in humanism is extremely powerful. I think that explains why so many humanists are involved in social justice and activist causes, as well as volunteerism. They have to be, on some level, or their conscience nags at them because all it takes for bad people to have their way is for good people to do nothing.

I have found a lot of prejudice against humanism over the last 5
years. People say Hitler and Stalin and Pol Pot were humanists, to
which I say bullshit. Humanism is a philosophical justification for moral and humane behavior. If a psychopath or despot commits acts of atrocity and cruelty, their actions are immoral and inhumane and therefore anti-humanist, whether they believe in a supernatural or not. Like I mentioned earlier, humanism does not say there is no God, humanism says that regardless of the metaphysical state of things, if we want to see good in the world we have to do it ourselves. The sad fact is that some people decide their is no God so they DO murder their next door neighbor and rape his wife, and other people do the exact same thing and say God made them do it, or the Devil, or whatever. The point is, that any behavior that is anti-human is anti-humanist and people can decide to be evil with or without belief in God. When people start to connect the two questions of “Does God exist” and “How should I behave” as if they are inextricably linked they are committing a fallacy. They are two separate questions that do not necessarily relate.

Thanks for the insight, Ryan.

Jack
I Listen.

Basic Ideology 101
Lesson #23
The Battle of Human Action

The Marks of a God
—-

When he awoke again, he was not sure how long he’d been out. He went through all of the realms of paranoia, anxiety, depression, elation, mania, and so much more. He battled his demons, trying to recapture something that was lost.

It was night time now. And slightly chilly. Minus felt very disoriented. He had relied on alacrity and synchronicity for so long. But these things were useless in the trial of gods. His magic was about movement and charm. Things he did not need here, alone in the forest. He pulled his arms up and looked at the scars Odin had left. They looked like the runes of Norse magic, which Odin received when he put himself through the first trial of godhood, the world tree. Yggdrasil was older than man. Older than gods. It only made sense that this was the only place left for true magic.

Odin had once been mortal, but he had hung himself on the world tree for nine days and nights to gain insights into ancient magic. The world tree and the elder gods had given him magic in return. A magic he unleashed on the world, and eventually used to overcome the forgotten gods. He used the magic to take his place in Aesir, as the All-Father. His brothers and sisters, and sons and daughters had taken their spots in the royal court, and a new generation of men and gods had begun.

Minus had hung himself on the world tree twice now. This was important. It was important because it was the path of self sacrifice for forgotten knowledge. He knew that Odin often saw him as a son, but was weary to allow him into the heavens. The last man he had allowed in had been Loki Sky-Walker, who caused much destruction and sadness in the royal court. He would not take that chance again. Not easily anyway.

Minus knew all of this, but he had been hanging on this tree so long that he wasn’t sure how he knew it. After Odin’s last visit, he had blacked out, and he had no idea how long ago that was. He had spent hours trying to meditate, trying to understand.

His temples throbbed and he could not feel his arms or legs. He pulled his arms up into view, so he could see the marks that Odin had left. The sigils glowed in the dark night. A bright blue. He had no knowledge of runes, but he knew instinctively that one meant strength and the other meant power. Minus tried to settle back into meditation, but he ending up passing out instead. The blood in his head was getting worse. He guessed that he had hung for five days. But his thoughts were fading into blackness.

On that same day, Jane had asked Mancini about the Akashic Library.

—-

Jack
I Listen.

The Cost of Magic
Section #23
The Marks of a God

The Birth of an Aesir
—-

Minus wasn’t certain what day it was. He awoke in the midday sun to the cawing of a raven. Or, more accurately, two ravens. There was a small pool of sweat about ten feet below him, in the mud. His whole body hurt, and he had no doubt that he had several burst blood vessels on his head because he’d been upside down so long.

He took a deep breath. “One-Eye! Are you here? Or do I hear the carrion birds awaiting my death?”

Alacrity and synchronicity had become ideas of the past. Minus thought he had moved beyond these ideas. But he wasn’t really certain of anything.

“Two nights and three days. And you think you have found power? Do you think this is enlightenment? Do you think you are Aesir? You are none of these things, youngling. You are impatient. You have not seen magic.”

The old man didn’t look weary now. Not at all. He looked powerful and commanding. We looked like war incarnate.

He climbed the tree and sat on a branch just short of Minus’ head. He reached out to touch Minus’ limp arms. He took hold of both of Minus’ wrists, and Minus jerked in pain. There was a smell of burning flesh. The old man let go. Minus clenched his teeth with the pain and lifted his arms so he could see them.

The flesh on his arms was bright red and still smoking. He recognized some sigils of power and strength burned deeply into his skin.

“What is this, All-Father? What are you doing to me?”

But the old man had already took his leave, and the ravens with him. Minus hung on the tree feeling completely and utterly alone. He has never felt so lonely in his life. Or had he? Once before.. He wasn’t sure. He slipped back into unconsciousness.

—-

Jack
I Listen.

The Cost of Magic
Section #22
The Birth of an Aesir

Electric Lights
—-

Minus was aware that he was unconscious. He knew he was seeing his past. He saw the memory from the third-person. He was shocked when he heard his own voice begin to narrate the memory.

I lie awake at night, watching the air sparkle, like electricity.

“I understand,” Othin said as the story came to a close. “I have a feeling I know your father. Let’s talk. There are two pills on that table next to you. Take the red one, it’ll make this easier..”

That little pill that tasted like jelly, was the cause of a grand awakening in Minus. Grabbing that electric spark had changed his life. Curiosity. Insatiable. And it would be that way for the rest of his life.

He thought about this for a long time in the black-out that was forced meditation.

—

Jack
I Listen.

The Cost of Magic
Section #21
Electric Lights
flashback

And So He Walked
—-

They were roused from a light sleep around 7:30pm by the ring of Minus’ phone. It was Kotoko. Minus answered.

“What the Hell, dude,” Kotoko was clearly frustrated. “I’ve been driving around for almost an hour. The street you said you lived on. It’s not here! I’m fairly certain it doesn’t even exist!”

“It’s alright, Kotoko,” Minus seemed very calm, and this calmed her down. “Do you know anything about synchronicity?”

She started to answer, but someone was opening the passenger door to her car. She reached for her purse, scrambling for the mace.

“Hi, I’m Minus. I think you’ve heard about me.”

“How the.. What? Where did you come from?” She wasn’t as confused as she should be. It seemed almost normal that Minus was now sitting in her passenger seat.

“My place. Go ahead and pull out of this parking lot, and go the right.”

Kotoko did as she was told.

“There will be a road on your left, the sign will say, ‘King’s Lane.’” Minus was directing her to his house and Jane.

When they approached the street sign, Kotoko was astounded. She had driven by this area a dozen times, and there had been no King’s Lane. She was certain. But there it was. A gravel driveway. She turned on to King’s Lane.

“My place is the only house back here. You can park next to my truck. Jane will be waiting for you at the door. I’ll take care of the groceries.” Minus said as Kotoko parked her jeep.

He got out of the jeep and reached into the back seat, picking up some bags. Kotoko went to the door, where she saw Jane peaking out. Minus could see them hug each other, and the tears that followed.

Kotoko went in, and Jane bolted all the locks behind them.

“What about Minus?” Kotoko was no stranger to magic, but she was clearly confused at the situation.

“It’s okay,” Jane said through the tears, “he’ll meet us in the basement.”

They continued through the house and into the basement door. Jane turned all the locks and knobs, locking them in again.

As they went down the flight of stairs, Kotoko was surprised that Minus was standing there, pouring three glasses of wine. She could see all of the grocery bags on the small counter he stood next to, and the luggage full of Jane’s clothing was by an opened closet on the other side of the room.

“It’s nice to meet you, Kotoko. I didn’t mean to startle you. I’ve heard a lot about you. Jane tells me you have interest in the occult?”

He reached into the drawer of pills and pulled out two tiny blue capsules.

“Take these.”

And Kotoko did. She swallowed them with a large drink of wine. She was startled again for a moment, as she realized that she did not drink and had never taken drugs. Why had she done what he said without thought or question? As soon as these thought passed through her, her mind was quieted. She felt calm, and relaxed, and at home.

“Wait, you’re a straight, aren’t you? You must be. Jane said you were good at divination,” said Minus. Both of the girls looked confused.

“Like, you don’t drink, or take any kind of drugs, right?”

“No.. I mean, yeah, I don’t do anything like that.. But I just did, didn’t I? Why am I not bothered or worried?” Kotoko tried to look stern, but she wasn’t really able to.

“Okay, no worries. Those pills. Not drugs. Not real drugs anyway. It’s a metaphysical relaxer. Opens your senses, and leaves you calm. No dangers or addictions. Now had you actually been into pills, I’ve got stuff around..” Minus trailed off.

“No, I feel great.. It’s like my soul let go of my fears and pretensions.” Kotoko was surprised at how easily she understood things, and how clear and fluid her thoughts were.

“You’re not bothered because it was me who gave them to you. Just like you weren’t all that upset when I got in the car seat next to you. I don’t really know why that is, but Doctor Mancini has told me things like that before. A lot of people have really..

“Anyway, just relax, we’ll fill you in and you’ll fill us in, alright?”

Jane and Kotoko nodded in unison.

The three talked for what seemed like hours. Then there was an odd, snapping feeling, and Kotoko left, and Jane went to sleep.

Twenty minutes later, Minus locked the basement and front door behind himself, and started walking due north.

Jane, Kotoko, Mancini, and Othin would all awake the next morning, around the same time, feeling unusually happy.

At that exact moment, Minus would see two ravens, perched on a tree older than the continent, and feel horrible despair. He did not enjoy this the last time.

—-

Jack
I Listen.

The Cost of Magic
Section #19
End: Part 1
And So He Walked

Prelude to a Hanging
—-

Victor Mancini spent a very long time on the phone with Jane. He told her about synchronicity and about alacrity, about glamors, and conjuring. He told her the good and the bad. Each had a danger, now she knew them all. Well, that’s what she thought anyway.

When he talked about alacrity, he went well out of his way to implicate the dangers. Mancini said that normal people could usually never access it. He had seen Minus use it before. It was beyond his understanding how it did not tear Minus’ soul apart.

He convinced Jane that she should not learn about it yet. She was not ready. He told her that Minus might disappear without warning, even when he could be right in front of her. Mancini told her about some of the pills and powders in that strange drawer in Minus’ desk. Not all of them, but the ones she would need if she became lost, or if Minus left her alone.

The pills labeled ‘VM’ were made by Doctor Mancini. If someone took one, Mancini would feel the psychic waves and appear before them. The red pills they had taken at the bar were Disillusionment. They cleared the brain from almost all worldly attachments and allowed a person to see the truth of their surroundings. Alchemy was the first form of magic Minus had learned, and it was basically all he could still do with purpose and success.

She heard Minus waking, and told Mancini so.

Minus walked into the small office with a glass of wine and saw his old friend Victor Mancini as a ghostly figure, sitting on top of his computer monitor.

“Doc, what have I told you about sitting on the monitor? It’s gonna take me days to get all the ectoplasm out. Damn.”

He then told Mancini and Jane about his talk with Othin, and how he would leave later that day to find the world tree, Yggdrasil. Jane asked him about her friend Kotoko coming to bring fresh food and clothes, and he agreed this would be a good thing.

“Jane, Doc, I’ll be completely out of contact for about nine days. No way of reaching me at all. Jane, please stay here. I don’t like the idea that people are disappearing and it seems to involve the Mist. Don’t go outside unless you absolutely have to. Doc, will you keep an eye on her?”

Mancini and Jane both agreed to what he asked, and Mancini bid his farewell. Leaving Minus and Jane alone together

—-
(NOTE: This has us caught up with The Cost of Magic, pre-server crash. Brand new episodes start tomorrow.)

Jack
I Listen.

The Cost of Magic
Section #16
Prelude to a Hanging

Still Dreaming
—-

Minus walked up a hill. He could feel the cobbled stones under his large, buckled boots. The city was dark and dreary today. A fast rain falling down.

He felt a strong determination in his purpose. He had been charged with delivering a letter of loyalty from his lord, to the Queen. The Queen had few loyal Governors these days. This letter would hopefully spark other pledges of honor from the Dukes and Governors of the land.

He came to the palace door. The roof hung over a small entry way. He took a time out to ring the water out of his clothes and hair, and to check that the package had not gotten wet.

A steward approached him and inquired about his purpose. He explained who he was and what he delivered. The steward rushed off, and two guards came to Minus in a few short minutes, the steward behind them.

“The Queen will see you now,” said the steward.

The guards escorted Minus into the throne room. He looked upon the Queen and saw a shimmering silver light around her.

He woke up.

—-

Jack
I Listen.

The Cost of Magic
Section #15
Still Dreaming

Is It Worth It?

—-

Mancini picked up the phone after a few rings. He was in his study, relaxing after a hard day of astral projection. He’d been sipping Scotch and thinking about the problem of the two lovers. On the line was a female voice he had never heard.

“Doctor Mancini?” the voice asked.

“Speaking, my dear, but please call me Victor.”

“Hi, my name is Jane. I believe Minus may have talked to you about our situation.”

“Ahh, young Jane. Yes, Minus has told me much about you, and I’ve learned much more from the Akashic life books. You are quite intriguing, did you know that?”
“Well.. um.. no. I guess not.” Jane was stumbling over her words. This man was very elegant, and she felt a little inferiority.

“Minus… He doesn’t think. He just moves. Do you know how he can always make things work with so little thought? Minus’ mind, body, and soul are all tied in deeply with the Synchronicity Stream and the Alacrity Motion. He doesn’t even need to meditate. He steps forward and obstacles move away from him. He is that in tune.

“People like me and you, on the other hand, have to work hard to get these things on our side. Before I met Minus, I was just a sad, delusional drunk. And before you met him, you knew only some simple glamors, some basic theory.

“To Minus, the things that you and I know…. Well, they don’t really matter. He can pull from those other worlds with no effort. He effects the people around him in profound ways, without trying. Sometimes the effects are not pleasant.

“Before I say more, I need to know something. Do you really love Minus? Are you ready to suffer for that love? Because it will bring you deep sorrow. This is the point where you can leave clean. Forget all the craziness, and live a normal life. Or, you can stay, and do your best to help him. What do you say Miss De la Moore?”

“Yes. I love Minus. I’ve loved him through lifetimes and had no idea. If I suffer, it will not be the first time,” Jane replied.

“Then we have much to discuss. Are you at Minus’ desk? Look for a pill compartment. It will be closed, and labeled ‘VM.’ Take one and swallow it. We will then discuss your future.”

Jane did not hesitate. She found the small pill box easily and swallowed the oddly shaped pill.

—-

Jack
I Listen.

The Cost of Magic
Section #14
Is It Worth It?

In Which Minus Dreams A Memory
—-
He runs across the roof tops. This city is dense and the alley ways are small. He jumps, falls short, dangling with a one-handed grip on the bricks. He let’s go.

Rive.

He hits the large, overly stuffed bed hard. Panting and sweating in his full John Constantine regalia. Suit, overcoat, cigarette in mouth, all dripping wet. His mind raced. Had his pursuers seen the rive he had opened? He didn’t know who they were, was uncertain of their abilities. Aside from the fact that they were inhumanly fast.

They shot through alacrity with a focus that matched his own. This was very rare. Understanding alacrity had driven more men mad, than had ever been able to run with it. The problem people have with the magic of speed is that after the first taste, it’s never fast enough again. Always trying for more. You can see perfection in the distance. And anytime you can see true perfection, it’s dangerous.

After a few minutes, Minus knew that they had not traced his rive. He relaxed a bit, then reached for some dry clothes.

***

Back in Jerusalem, the three men dressed in black, stood surveying the rooftops and alley ways. Wet footprints ended and never started again. They were confused, but not worried. He could hide all he wanted, but he could never out run them.

Even so, the Three-Headed Lion would not be happy with his extensively trained alacrity spotters. He had dug their souls from Hell, and trained them for a reason. He needed them in this war. This was not like the last.

—-

Jack
I Listen.

The Cost of Magic
Section #13
In Which Minus Dreams A Memory